You’re the one getting married but it’s your mom who’s turned into Momzilla!
She’s taking over all the decisions and taking all the fun out of planning your big day. She’s more worried about what she’s going to look like on your wedding day than you are.
Whether your mom is well-meaning or malicious, the stress of planning “the most perfect day ever” can send your mother-daughter relationship over the stratosphere. Things can get trickier if your parents are holding the purse strings to your wedding, reception or honeymoon.
But your wedding doesn’t have to put a rift in your parental relationships. You can have the wedding of your dreams and still keep that special bond with your mom.
Here are a few ways to cope with all that mama drama before it gets out of hand:
• Start off on the right foot by having an open, honest conversation with her about your plans — the budget, guest list, whatever you think might be a stumbling point. Things will work best if you both begin at a place of mutual respect.
• Keep the ball rolling with lines of communication every step of the way. If you give your mom the details as you go along, you won’t be dropping one big issue on her.
• Enlist her help by asking her what parts of the wedding are really important to her, then hand her a list of tasks with very specific instructions and expectations. This will give her a purpose, and keep her from meddling in other areas because she’s so busy.
• If there are parts of the wedding you don’t want her input on, take a deep breath and be honest, but watchful of how you phrase it. “Mindy is going dress shopping with me tomorrow, but why don’t we hit the caterers next week?” This will go over better than, “I don’t want you to come dress shopping with me.” Remember the tip about being respectful.
• If your mom is nagging and it’s taking its toll on your sanity, it might be time to enlist the help of an intermediary, like your maid or matron of honor. Your mom might be more likely to take direction (and things less personally) if they come from someone other than you.
Now, this above list is all well and good, and offers helpful advice, but let’s get real: sometimes the wedding planning can really cause deep frustration, hurts and rifts between people who love each other.
If this is the case, tell your mom that you’re taking care of most of the wedding decisions because you’re trying to reduce her anxiety and that you love her too much to cause her this level of frustration. Smile. Apologize.
Depending on who is paying for what for your wedding, you and your fiancé may decide to take over the
finances and pay for the wedding yourselves. Rather than saying you are rejecting your parents’ money, you can say that paying for your wedding yourselves is an important part of establishing the beginning of facing a lifetime of financial responsibility together. That’s hard to argue with.
Let her know how much you appreciate her generosity, but don’t bend. Don’t argue and don’t get defensive. Be gracious and grateful and firm. Isn’t that what love is all about anyway?
Sources: Offbeatbride.com, Lifestyle.howstuffworks.com